Part One: The Basic HAVG Model

HAVG stands for:

• Hang
• Activity
• Value
• Gang

Each category is rated from 1 to 4:

• 1 = Bad
• 2 = Mid
• 3 = Good
• 4 = Super

The basic idea is simple:

Rate the relationship in all four categories, calculate the average, and use that number to think about how much time, trust, and social energy the relationship probably deserves right now.

HAVG is not a measure of human worth. It does not tell you who is a good or bad person in some absolute sense. It only helps you evaluate how a specific relationship functions in your actual life.

A Quick Example

A friend might be:

• Hang: 3
• Activity: 2
• Value: 3
• Gang: 4

Their HAVG would be:

3 + 2 + 3 + 4 = 12
12 / 4 = 3.0

In plain language: they are good company, not quite as active as you might like, reliable, and clearly part of your tribe.

That makes the relationship worth maintaining, even if the activity level is not perfect.

The Four HAVG Categories

Hang

Are you good company?

This includes social skills, interestingness, versatility, and how pleasant it is to spend time with you.

Activity

How well do your levels of contact match?

This includes how often you see each other, message each other, send memes, make plans, and generally stay in touch. This is evaluated from your own perspective.

Value

What else do you bring to the table?

This may include skills, contacts, knowledge, resources, useful perspectives, or other forms of support.

Gang

How much do you feel like part of the same tribe?

This includes things like age, shared activities, values, lifestyle, appearance, and general cultural fit.

How to Use the Model

The simplest version of HAVG is enough most of the time.

You do not always need to think about life cycles, OG status, GOAT status, stacking, Frozen, RIP, or Deep Freeze. Those are advanced rules for more complicated situations.

For everyday use, the question is much simpler:

How does this relationship function right now?

If the HAVG is high, the relationship is probably worth investing in.
If the HAVG is unclear, it may need more time or better boundaries.
If the HAVG is consistently low, it may not deserve as much access to your life.

The advanced rules exist for situations where the basic number is not enough: old friendships, intense beginnings, major life changes, long-distance phases, temporary chaos, or people who keep disappearing and reappearing.

Part Two: Advanced Rules

This is where OG, GOAT, Super Stack, Bad Stack, Frozen, RIP, and Deep Freeze come in.

These rules are not needed for every relationship. They exist because human relationships are messy. Sometimes someone is not simply “good” or “bad” for your life. Sometimes the timing is weird, the history is long, the beginning was too intense, or the person disappears for reasons that are hard to judge.

The basic HAVG score tells you what the relationship looks like now.

The advanced rules help you understand whether that score should be trusted, adjusted, frozen, repaired, or allowed to die.

OG and GOAT Status

OG: Old Friend

An OG gets +1 to all stats, but even old friends should be re-evaluated neutrally from time to time.

GOAT: Top-Tier Friend

A GOAT is a friend whose HAVG does not drop significantly despite major life changes, whether those changes happen in your life or theirs.

OG and GOAT statuses are determined by cyclical averages and the way those averages stack over time.

Life Cycles and Relationship Cycles

Every major life change starts a new cycle.

For example:

• Studying is one cycle.
• Living in another city is one cycle.
• Having children and going through the baby phase is one cycle.
• A major change in lifestyle, distance, or availability may also begin a new cycle.

A cycle does not change if there is no meaningful change in your ability to stay in touch.

For example, if you are already in a cycle where you live in different cities, and both of you simply move within your current cities, that does not start a new cycle. However, if one of you moves much farther away or to another country, that may start a new cycle. After that, moving from one foreign country to another may no longer matter as much, because the basic long-distance dynamic has already been established.

Super Stack and Exceptional Circumstances

Exceptional circumstances are short-term states built on top of the normal cycle. They can create intense situationships, accelerated friendships, or emotionally amplified connections that may be difficult to evaluate once normal life resumes.

Because of this, exceptional circumstances are attached back to the base cycle using this formula:

X × 4 = Y
Y × 4 = evaluation period

In practice, this means that time spent at HAVG 4 equals four times the same amount of time at HAVG 3.

When a relationship is born under exceptional circumstances, it should be evaluated across four Y-length periods. If the average trend declines during that evaluation period, the relationship may lose its potential OG status.

Example

You meet a HAVG 4 person during a one-week holiday trip.

That one week of HAVG 4 intensity equals roughly one month of HAVG 3 everyday-life friendship. The next four months of monthly average scores then determine the relationship’s final HAVG position.

If the relationship stays at HAVG 3 during the evaluation period after the exceptional circumstances end, the person can reach OG status.

If all contact suddenly stops, the HAVG drops by one point each month.

Bad Stack

Just as HAVG 4 can stack according to the formula above, bad experiences can also stack.

If someone is HAVG 1 during a single meeting, it will take at least four good meetings to turn the ship around.

Watch Out for Stackers

When a new person enters your life and immediately starts stacking super scores, pay attention.

A new romance, bromance, or intense friendship can be natural. However, a sudden drop from HAVG 4 to HAVG 1 is not natural.

This is why the final value should be calculated across the full evaluation period. Many manipulators, scammers, and narcissistic people take advantage of stacking. They give you everything at first, pull you into their game, and then make you feel like you need to somehow earn their HAVG 4 energy back.

They may start asking for money, favors, emotional labor, or other resources.

Of course, it can make sense to support an OG or a GOAT. But if someone has earned OG status purely through a super stack, stay alert.

Time vs. Cycles

A good relationship cannot be reliably measured by duration alone, even though time is an important factor.

If your life situation has stayed more or less the same for ten years, the friends you made during that time can at most reach OG status.

However, if you have gone through two five-year cycles and the same friend has stayed at minimum HAVG 3 in both cycles, they can reach GOAT status within the same amount of time.

Frozen and RIP

Burning bridges should be avoided for as long as possible, because life really can change. It can feel pretty bad later if you were rude to the exact person whose Value would now be a 4.

That is why there are two low-HAVG categories:

• Frozen
• RIP

Frozen

Frozen means that a relationship’s HAVG has dropped because of temporary exceptional circumstances.

For example, a friend goes backpacking in Asia. Before the trip, their HAVG is 3333. During the trip, it becomes 3132. In this case, it may be best to place the friend in the Frozen category, meaning that the exceptional period does not count toward the long-term average.

RIP

RIP means the drop comes from the base cycle itself, not from a temporary situation.

For example, your friend returns from the trip and has reinvented himself as a guru:

• He is now difficult to be around: H1
• He sends you religious quotes for reasons that do not fit your relationship: A1
• He gives up his worldly possessions, meaning he now also has payday loan debts, and extends an agreed couch stay from weeks into months: V1
• He is now, apparently, morally superior to you and no longer on the same astral plane: G1

At that point, the possibility of RIP is worth examining.

Frozen can be resolved simply by the exceptional situation ending. RIP requires separate repair actions, such as apology, forgiveness, or a genuine change in behavior.

A HAVG score of 1–1.75 is basically impossible to reach without being an asshole.

The Frozen Trap: Watch Out for Magicians

The tricky part with Frozen is that it is not always easy to tell what is temporary, what belongs to a life cycle, and what is simply someone’s relationship style.

Most people eventually meet someone whose HAVG is extremely difficult to define. They may arrive in your life with full force, then suddenly disappear, then reappear, only to disappear again. They may be amazing company most of the time, except when they drink alcohol and see members of the opposite sex.

None of us are free from trauma, insecure attachment patterns, or poor interaction habits. But people are still capable of working on their challenges.

A good rule of thumb is to observe the behavior without the story.

On-off behavior is unreliable behavior, whether it comes from insecure relationship experiences or not. Of course, if your GOAT is acting strange during their first single weekend after a divorce, that does not necessarily require immediate RIP. But even then, it is an act of friendship to bring up inappropriate behavior.

If the inappropriate behavior continues despite conversation, it is time to set new boundaries. For example, you may decide that you simply do not go out with that person anymore.

**TL;DR: Repeated exceptional behavior should eventually be counted into the base HAVG. (**Third time’s the charm)

Deep Freeze: DF

Sometimes, despite good intentions, staying in touch becomes impossible for an entire life cycle.

Someone may join the French Foreign Legion, go to the moon, end up in prison, or begin a long-term mission that requires every available resource in order to succeed.

In that situation, the best way forward is to discuss things fairly directly:

• What is happening?
• What kind of contact will realistically be possible?
• How much do you both want to use those options?
• How necessary does staying in touch feel during this period?

This is where Deep Freeze, or DF, may become useful.

Deep Freeze means that you both agree that during the next cycle, the relationship will be placed in DF. In practice, the relationship is treated almost as if it does not exist, or as if it exists only under highly exceptional conditions. The intention, however, is that in the cycle after DF, the relationship returns to the HAVG level it had before the freeze.

Deep Freeze is not Las Vegas. What happens there does not automatically stay there.

If your friend does something during DF that could lower their HAVG, such as committing murder, then that still needs to be taken into account when the next cycle begins.

DF also cannot begin without a mutual agreement. You cannot simply disappear and then return five years later claiming it was Deep Freeze.

If the HAVG collapses immediately after DF, RIP is also possible. For example, if a previously responsible friend returns as a completely different person and asks for help with drug debts, that is not just a normal thawing process.

Likewise, if a HAVG 4 person you met during your last holiday comes back from Deep Freeze next summer, behaves strangely, and immediately starts demanding HAVG 3–4 benefits, the alarm bells should be ringing.

How OG and GOAT Status Develop

First Cycle

OG status is reached in roughly 3–5 years, depending on the length of the cycle, such as a period of studying, if the relationship has stayed at an average HAVG of 3 during that time.

Second Cycle

If the relationship stays at HAVG 3 in the next cycle, it rises to GOAT level.

If the second cycle reaches HAVG 2, the relationship keeps its OG status.

Third Cycle and Beyond

GOAT status is “frozen” and can only be lost through HAVG 1 behavior.

If an OG drops to HAVG 2, they lose OG status.

Hang: How Good Company Are You?

Hang means, in short, how good you are to spend time with.

“Good company” is a broad concept, and it can contain very different things. With one person, things are always relaxed and easy. With another, the conversations are always interesting. With a third, there is always some kind of experience or adventure ahead.

Some people can offer all of these things, and what you value most is partly a matter of taste.

In someone else’s eyes, the same good qualities can turn upside down:

• Relaxed becomes boring.
• Interesting conversations become conflict-seeking.
• Adventurous becomes chaotic.

Still, there are some universally appreciated qualities. Most people value social skills, friendly body language, the ability to talk about different topics, and not being extremely restricted in what you can do or discuss.

How to Rate Hang from 1 to 4

4: Super
Amazing company. Energizing to be around.

3: Good
Nice to hang out with. Does not drain you.

2: Mid
A bit stiff or awkward. May require extra effort.

1: Bad
Emotionally or physically harmful, energy-draining, or causes problems.

Activity: Matching the Level of Contact

Activity means how active you are, and in what way.

It can include messaging, sending memes, arranging meetups, checking in, or maintaining contact in general.

This should not be seen purely as a volume game. If you send piles of messages every day and the other person does not respond, that may come across as overwhelming or even harassing.

Instead of volume, the better measure is compatibility.

If the other person has time to see and react to one meme per day, there is probably no point in sending much more than that. If they only have time to answer messages once a week, then one message per week may be closer to the right level. If they only have time to meet once a month, it may not be worth suggesting much more than that.

Of course, if you want more activity from the relationship, you can gently try to raise the level. Either they respond with increased activity or they do not.

The third time tells the truth.

For some people, a lower level of contact is enough. But if the activity level does not meet your needs, it may be better to place that person in their own category and invest more in relationships that serve you better.

Activity can become a 1 in two opposite ways:

• Doing nothing.
• Doing way too much.

Riskier memes should only be sent once you know the other person’s quirks better.

How to Rate Activity from 1 to 4

4: Super
Your activity levels match almost perfectly. Their contact usually makes your day better.

3: Good
Your activity levels match well. You rarely feel that there is too much or too little contact.

2: Mid
The activity level is low or slightly excessive. Sometimes the contact is a bit off, but that happens.

1: Bad
Nonexistent or completely excessive activity. Either you hear nothing at all, or you receive overwhelming monologues.

Value: What Do You Bring to the Table?

Value means what else you bring to the relationship.

For some people, this may mean skills, contacts, practical resources, a yacht, useful knowledge, or expertise. For others, it may mean being a good listener or offering emotional support. These latter qualities overlap somewhat with Hang.

One criticism of this category is that it can make people sound like they are hunting for benefits. But Value is a better factor than its reputation suggests.

A person who cannot do anything, does not own anything, and does not know anything about anything will usually land at HAVG 2, meaning mid. That does not actually lower the overall average much. On the other hand, I do not think anyone genuinely values being around someone who brings absolutely nothing to the table.

The real issue begins when a relationship drains your resources.

If someone borrows your money or possessions, asks for favors, and never gives anything back, you have to be quite an altruistic person for that not to start feeling unfair.

That is when we can talk about a 1.

How to Rate Value from 1 to 4

4: Super
They have skills, resources, or connections that are truly important to you. For example, they may be a valuable business contact or an excellent hobby partner.

3: Good
This is someone you can rely on even in difficult situations.

2: Mid
There may be occasional positive surprises, but they are not the first person you think of when something is challenging or requires trust.

1: Bad
A parasite. Their actions or words should not be relied on. They may even be harmful to the people around them.

Gang: Are You Part of the Same Tribe?

Gang means tribe.

Do you share the same religion or worldview? Do you dress and speak in similar ways? Do your interests meet? Do you feel like you are somehow part of the same group?

Humans are pack animals. Already in the Stone Age, people learned to recognize who belonged to their own group and who did not, because that could be a matter of life and death.

Of course, modern humans like to see themselves as open-minded explorers. And sometimes, we genuinely are. But in the long run, it can become exhausting to surround yourself only with people who challenge you at every turn. People often need others around them who feel like “their kind of people.”

At the same time, we tend to overlook things in our own tribe that we would not accept elsewhere.

The ‘Me Too’ and similar movements (such as Punkstoo, that brought up disturbing cases occured in national punk and rock scene of Finland) that made visible how even subcultures that saw themselves as progressive or equality-minded could quietly tolerate behavior that went directly against their stated values when the person involved was central to the scene.

How to Rate Gang from 1 to 4

4: Super
A kindred spirit or soulmate-level tribe member.

3: Good
Clearly part of the same tribe, or someone with many similarities even if they come from a slightly different tribe.

2: Mid
Friendly terms and some shared traits, but you might not necessarily want to be seen with them in front of your own tribe.

1: Bad
Enemy tribe. Harmful to your values or your people.

Different Relationships and HAVG Scores

HAVG is a fairly forgiving system. It does not condemn anyone to the lowest pit of hell just because they lack some ability. Not every friend needs to be Super.

Your inner circle should ideally consist of people at HAVG 3 or higher, but coworkers or collaborators do not necessarily need to meet the same standard.

For example, you may have a coworker with whom you have nothing to talk about:

• Hang: 2
• Activity: 1, because you do not see each other outside work
• Value: 4, because they are excellent and reliable at their job
• Gang: 2, because they do not push their ideology into your face

Their HAVG is 2.25. That may not be friend material, but it does not need to be.

Old friends do not need to be abandoned either. A HAVG 3 cycle can carry a relationship far. With OG status and the +1 bonus, the relationship can remain strong for a long time.

When to Use HAVG

HAVG is most useful when you are no longer sure whether a relationship is worth investing in.

It may be an OG from many cycles ago. It may be a new acquaintance you are unsure about. It is also true that reaching HAVG 3 requires quite a lot of investment, and fewer relationships, especially in adulthood, begin with that much momentum.

Life also gets complicated. Family life, careers, exhaustion, distance, and responsibilities all take their toll. It is normal not to hear from old friends as much as before.

Still, HAVG can help you create some ground rules for protecting your limited resources.

Practical HAVG Guidelines

HAVG 3–4: The Best People

These are the people worth making an effort for.

Invest in them. Make plans. Stay in touch. Show up.

HAVG 2–2.75: Potential New People and Hospice Care for Old Relationships

This score is not so low that the person should automatically be cut off, but it is not so high that you should invest heavily without a good reason.

If you happen to be nearby, send a message. If you are hosting a game night and remember that one promising new person mentioned the same game, invite them. If you see a fitting meme, send it.

Likewise, if they send messages, memes, or invitations, respond positively or at least thank them properly.

However, avoid major efforts unless they are strategically thought through.

A shared holiday trip can be serious make-or-break material for a relationship you do not know very well.

If you are thinking of introducing this person to your best friend, do it only if it is also beneficial for your best friend.

HAVG 1–1.75: Not Really Worth the Effort

A person usually only ends up in this category through severe inactivity or harmful behavior.

Respond neutrally or not at all, depending on whether your money, work, or obligations are tied to them.

It is possible that they are extremely valuable at work but otherwise an absolute nightmare of a person. In that case, keep the relationship superficial, distant, and replaceable as soon as possible.